straight from the heart

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Though I never believed in these fasts and all..but u made me believe in ahoi ashtami and your father in karwachauth.. I never feel low or acidity or thirsty or hungry , whatever, on these days.. The icings on the cake were 1. Your father fasting for me as well on karwachauth And 2. You sleeping on my lap on ahoi... I am overwhelmed by the love you both shower on me.. unexpectedly... Muaaaaaaah.... Meri duniya hai tujhme kahin ... ☺☺ Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi...😊

Today I met my class one teacher... Suman Mam.. at some marriage...what a day it was.  I was hesitating to reach out to her... And there she saw me .. she recognised me... After about 25 years she recognised me... She was my favourite teacher at that time.. so loving.. I am speechless.. in a state of ecstasy.. world is round.. we met again.. with same feeling of love... Though we exist barely few kms away... Our hearts exist a little more closer... Love u suman Mam... I wish we had some more time and solace to talk more... U have taught me more that your subject... Immersed into good thoughts... So happpy.     Yippee

Just finished up two movies back to back... Nil battery sannata and naam shabana Obviously, as they say, I like feminist and sensitive movies. I liked both , not because they were feminist or sensitive but were full of dreams and determination.. both were of separate genres but full of depth and courage to pursue ones dreams... Hats off tapsee pannu and swara bhaskar for the acting and the movies as a whole and in parts... Awesome... Just speechless and thoughtful... Wanna sleep now for a good night dream...I go to sleep when I have headache because I cried..  swara you made me cry too well.. love u Babes.

One day you will outgrow me.. and I am curious for it. U were tiny,pea size, inside my womb... Now  as you sleep besides me...I can still hear your heart beats ... Your deep breaths... Your snores as well.. seeing you grow up is the biggest ecstasy.. now you can sing rhymes.. and two lines of Om bhurv bhuva... Just 2.5 years and already started play schools... Growing up with you is your vocabulary and your sense of expression, Your energy levels, your appetite... though no parent likes to disclose the amount of food a toddler eats...it is always less than expectation by the way... I love when you say "m bhookhi hun... Papa kya khilaoge"... and your father starts searching for options.. according to whether and timings... this amount of care.. I have personally never seen before... I see you as a pampered baby... you are the first baby of our home... and it is not just that I am writing a blog... everyone else is also preparing mental memories/notes of seeing you grow up... ...

This is a pre decided post.. just to jot down a milestone in my life... My feelings about it. First of all.. turning 30 is making me clean my eyes .. last was my 25th birthday that I celebrated with my family esp. My papa It's been 5 years.. making me realise the fact that you left us so early.. papa I am missing you a lot since many days.. constantly I am seeing you in my dreams.. this is a strange feeling. A person you are talking to in dreams and you wake up to the reality that you can never ever talk to them. I was happy in my dream that you have come back. Only tears do come back. :-( I wish you could see Vaanya and Priyanshi. Koko jitna pyaar karte kya inn dono se. I wish you could talk to sahil like you talk to ashu and monu. I wish we could sit, talk and walk together like we used to do. Just the two of us. I wish you could see me driving. I guess you are there ... That's why you make your presence felt.. in this house.. in my dreams... In koko's words.. some...

I love you too... but I love me too.. sometime I just need some time for myself... To laugh my heart out.. to read a novel.. to have a cup of tea with myself.. to listen music ..  to write a poem... To drive slowly...and do all my stuff But as I was writing this.. you demanded your bottle of milk .  And when it came..you rejected it for playing...and your tantrums.. you take half an hour for eating half a chapati.. so I can go on writing about what you do and what not.. what I like doing for you and what not.. Sometimes I think about the days when you no longer will depend on anybody for anything... Then we will miss these days... Things that become past are always missed... When I will be having a whale of time for myself... I will miss you being dependent on me(all of us).. Missing the past is human nature... Sometimes it holds us back.. but the other times it let us grow.. it makes us not to repeat ..what we consider as mistakes..it lets us relive our good times.. Vaany...