straight from the heart

It's half way to eventually hold u in my arms. And you were calling for it. U were opening and closing your fists and it was like you were catching our attention. You may be unaware but you live in my thoughts 24*7. Other times you start moving with flutters feelings. The feelings only I can experience. We are blessed with ur perfect scans and parameters. We are wishing for your well being. 324 GM's to 3.24 kgs.. it's a long way to go. But bigger milestones you have achieved.. it will be just a cakewalk.

Some days I find little things to share.. Other days are some big ones.. When those little things become big enough to be shared and flaunt... God and Vaanya have given me the courage and reason to fulfil one in the list of my dreams.. No matter how difficult it is going to be... It's worth it. It was heard that it will be easy the next time.. But I find opposite in my case. Everyday is a challenge. Half way I have come.. But the excitement & the overwhelming happiness that l feel in struggling.. That everything will eventually bear a fruit. A fruit in our family tree. And it will make the tree look beautiful and a cosy place to live in. A fruit that will still be connected to its roots.. A treasure to hold in my arms.. A motherhood to live in forever.. A decision to live forever. Love you my LOs..

Miss u papa.. too much.  Very much.. mere baccho ko aapko nanu bolna tha.. 😢 At every special moment in my life.. I miss u so much..  it is going to be 5 years...  Hope we will be connected in our next lives too.. :-( Aisi bidaai ho to .. lambi judai ho to to.. dehleez dard ki bhi paar kara de.. mud ke na dekho dilbaro... Baba mei teri malika.. tukda hun tere dil ka.. Evertime I listen this song and I miss u..

And it all happened with two pink lines. I felt complete. What more could I ask for . Hearing mumma from one more mouth .  I am so happy, exhilarated... One day it will take to absorb the feeling .. obviously.. many feelings.. going through pregnancy... maternity leave... Forgoing customs... Living in this very office for next years ... Once again weight gain and control in years to come..  the cycle of four years atleast.. but then what I will gain is a friend, sibling, companion for Vaanya, for the whole of her life.. and another one to think of constantly.. for the rest of our lives... OMG.. I think I won't stop writing... Such an overwhelming emotion.  God be with me for the phase of my life and help us find happiness... Can't believe I am pregnant. I wont be alone till some time..I

So when I was going through a two week wait.. I try googling for n no of reasons.  Then I went through the page that asked me to write about your ordeal.. It really is an ordeal.. or a trailer to an ordeal... Where you don't mind growing from over weight to obese. Where u are so obsessed about the lo that you forget you will curse the decision n no. Of times in coming years. That you are once again going to forget yourself and make them above ur needs.. But who likes a simple plain life.. challenges are what that keep us growing forever. We want to be blessed again.. for n no of reasons.. I am waiting for u moon... Come soon.....

Life never stops teaching you. There are lessons that you already know but  learn the hard way.. after some bitter experiences... 1. Man is a selfish animal.. in family context , they will think about themselves, then extended family and then anybody se... 2. Good fences make good neighbours 3. Sometimes even your family judges you.. (occurs after marriage) 4. Whatever you do, others won't change.. you can only mould yourselves to pass time with them. 5. And you should never loose your own self.. the pure and divine soul, free from worldly pleasures.   Lessons about people who come along your way to run parallel and not with you. They mah be having their own predefined path.

Bullshit..  I haven't seen anybody not expecting.. there is nothing as no expectation. Let me start with a way to stop expecting... 1. Learn meditation- when you start learning it... The one thing that comes in your mind is that it wil make us calmer, indifferent, positive and what not. Expectations start the time you do something.. 2. Speak your heart out - the moment you think about this.. (you expect) that the other person will not judge you on speaking your heart out.   Or that your diary where you are speaking your heart out will not be read by others.. 3. Call your mom - she will never leave you without giving an advice (that you always know inside) 4. Write this blog - but there is a dicey expectation.. that ppl should not read this.. or they must like my writing.. Its basically... You can't stop expecting.. you have to make yourself so strong(fake) that the hurt does not show up on your face..till the time you absorb/channelize your emotions.. otherwise your ...