straight from the heart

मां मैं तुझे बहुत प्यार करती हूं। कहती नहीं हूं, तुमसे ज्यादा बात नहीं करती, तुम्हारी ज्यादा फिक्र नहीं करती, ज्यादा जताती नही हूं। पर करती हूं। तेरा खयाल हमेशा मन में रहता है। मुझे पता है मेरी मां बहुत हिम्मत वाली है, बहुत brave है। मुझे पता है तुम अकेली सी पड़ गई हो, पापा के जाने से, मेरे जाने से और नानी के जाने से। लेकिन सब नियती है। तुम्हे पता है सब लिखा हुआ है। तुम बहुत शक्ति शाली हो। अपने आप को संभाल लेती हो। रोज तुमसे बात करने का सोचती हूं, लेकिन गृहस्थी में उलझी सी रहती हूं। जानती हूं सब बहाने हैं। शायद तुम्हारी सबसे ज्यादा care करनी चाहिए।  कोई बात नही। हम दोनो को एक दूसरे का प्यार काफी है। तुम अपनी गृहस्थी में, मैं अपनी में मग्न रहें। एक दूसरे के लिए मन से शुभ सोचते रहें। एक दूसरे को हिम्मत देते रहें। बस यूंही कट जाएगा सफर साथ चलने से। मां तुम हो तो मन लगा रहता है जिंदगी में। तुम हो तो सब कुछ है। तुम हो तो मैं हूं। भगवान सबकी मां को बनाए रखे। सब खुश रहें।  तुम्हारी बेटी।

I dnt like this part in the theory of evolution... Sociology.. anthopology.. whatever...that a girl has to leave the home where she spent one fourth or one third of her life.. Leave behind her comfort zone.. he family.. her friends.. her place.. she has to make the other place for others.. making them her own.. spend most of her time and energy in the new place mking it her nest.. and believe me it's tough.. it's damn tough.. it is everyday a new challenge . .. but it's not impossible . It is only possible when hearts are filled with love, respect and care towards each other... My heart just skipped a beat . Thinking that my SIL will be marrying next month.   And my girls will be eventually leaving me.. I always knew the truth and I am brave to accept it .  But it's disheartening.. it's too difficult to accept..  I feel such pain.. a lump in my throat... Tears in my eyes..   Damn.. :( :(

Fox and the crane.. Fox and crane becum friends. One day fox invited crane for lunch. He was in a mood of mischief. He served very tasty food to crane in a plate. He ate all the food himself while Crane couldnot because of his long beak. Crane thought of teaching him a lesson. He thought of returning the favour. He also invited the fox to his place. He served the same tasty food in a long necked jar. Fox couldnot eat the food. He understood the lesson and apologised to crane. And they became friends again. There are many morals to the story. On being:- 1. For fox:- " As you sow, so shall you reap." 2. For Crane :- "Tit for tat" 3. For me:- Animal life is much simpler than human. Teaching a lesson is never possible in human life, while maintaining cordial relations too.   4. Humans are selfish. They take things for granted until t affects them too. Today I was fasting. (Monday fast) after 3 months of fasting; somebody at my place thought of making food for me. And th...

I miss u..  Ek din bik jayega maati ke mol.. jag mei reh jayenge pyaare tere bol... Aapke bol reh gaye.. jinhe yaad kar kar ke rote rehte hain..  You made me what I am today.. independent, a good decision maker (though i have my rights and wrongs), firm on my path, never believe in/do gossips, work hard, dont compare our lives with others, enjoy every moment(less is more) l, confident, happy, stern and all good vibes.. I think I am just like you. I dont know what more i could have been when you were still alive.  I married and you left the world.. had I not had been married...may be I could have been there with you for you. .. may be I could have saved you.. may be this all had to happen like this only.. may be my kanyadaan was your last social obligation.  You had to play with my kids. You had to be their inspiration too.. you had to advice me on parenting. You have to see my life too.  You had to brag about me.. I just wish you were here.. I know you are aroun...

It comes every month. I feel like crazy. Abundance of all things negative around me. And they amplify at this stage of the month. Others PMS also affect you. Though u decide not to get affected by external factors. Finding peace in oneself is not easy . At this stage, even finding some me time is difficult. There is just hope of God being with me. Protecting my kids when I am away. Giving me strength to raise my kids and parents and be strong and bold for anything.  Humans want everything in life. We want just everything. Some personal space, some time for oersonal growth and in all these years, some frustration crops up out of unfulfilled agendas. Out of this hectic life. Out of caring for everyone barring your own self.  God give me some more peace, strength, health and anything that you may feel is necessary to deal with present state of things.