straight from the heart

Memories... Kabhi jyada kabhi kamm aapki yaad aati zaroor hai, har occasion pe.. har mood mei...har haal mei..  Today I remembered you were the reason of my many firsts .. you were there with me, there for me when I needed my bhaiya and bhabhi..  When I used to study in Jia Sarai, you used to come and pick me up for that gedi Nd a movie in Saket.. you insisted me to spend time with you both.. and I had spent my life with you two..  aapka mere collge, mere hostel har jagah se mujhe pick karna . Itni care karna.. sab kuch.. bahut yaad aa raha hai...  Spending sleepless nights.. those endless talks... I really want to hug you right now.. I miss you a lot. Please talk to me. Koi na aithe dil diyan dasda...

Never thought this day will come into my life..  While scrolling my inbox for your email.. I got to see our first interaction on email.. I shared your roka pics with you.. and what not.. our email exchanges.. our feelings... Our friendship, our love and what not..  Being a people's counsellor, I always advise people to not to be too close in in-laws relationships.. but when did I became too close to you.. 17 years back .. my first email to you... 26.02.2009... Zindagi bahut lambi hai.. bahut zalim hai ..  After my marriage.. We had decided to hug each other when we meet... But never realised our last hug was already over... We had spent so much time together... We have shared pata nahi kya kya...  Bhagwaan jaldi utha lena, pata nahi kya kya aur dekhna padega..  Dil par patthar rakhkar muh pe makeup kar liya..  We are all living a fake life.. miss you and bhagwaan aapko sadbuddhi de..  mujhe bhi.. 

When I was posted at airport and wanted to treat myself a day, I brought this dessert and enjoyed it.. finding the container too cute and product a Lil bit costly.. I wanted to make the most out of my blackforest mousse..  This I saved for more than a year, used in hydroponic farming and now finally today(as the por had water salt marks all over the rim) I wanted to have a fancy pot with lucky jade...  To preserve it longer, I painted it. And look how it turned out..  though it's not yet completed but thoughts kept flowing and I wanted to jot them here..  Happiness is certainly homemade

Where is everybody going... Leaving me alone..  jisse pyaar karo, jisse dil lagao.. woh chala jaye chodkar... Jeevan kya ek dhoka hai..  Jab khush ho jao... Fir koi duniya chodkar chale jaata hai..  Aur young age deaths are worse... Itnaaaa... Yaad aate hain.. papa, Rahul bhaiya, papa, Ravi bhaiya.. sab kyun chale gaye.. itni jaldi...  Bhagwaan aap aisa kyun karte ho? Ravi Bhaiya, kaise mujhe itna sir aankhon pe rakha.. itna bigaada, itna laad kiya.. we were like friends... Mujhe apni diary padhai, mujhse saare secrets share kiye, mujhe ghumaya firaya, jahan maine kaha mujhe lekar gaye, mujhe baar baar apne ghar bulaya..  Abb aao mere phone pe, uthao na Mera phone, baatein karo.. kahan ho??  Door se mujhe dekhkar hanso.. Bolo kuch.. kahan ho? Karo kuch, yahan sudharo, apne maa baap ko dekho, family ko dekho.. Kahan chale gaye.. ? Kabhi nahi miloge, apne ghar nahi bulaoge, kabhi baat nahi karoge? Happy birthday ka jawab nahi Diya😥 Jahan ho sukoon se rehna.....

Sahir kehte hain:- "वो अफ़साना जिसे अंजाम तक लाना न हो मुमकिन, उसे एक ख़ूबसूरत मोड़ देकर छोड़ना अच्छा"  Ek afsana bann gayi zindagi... That last hug of yours and we cried together... We felt our good times.. and you left me..us, everyone.. you were my first girlfriend in family.. you never judged me.. you always gave a sincere advice.. you shared your thoughts, things and much more.. we could talk for hours, days, nights... But we never ran out of words .. I am feeling like my safe place is gone... 17 years.. you were with me in my 20s and 30s... My adulthood ... I wanted to spend my olden days with you around.. when we could grow old together . Talked about our back pains ..  our girls first periods and dates..our families, dreams and what not.. I love you I am not able to say good bye.. I am not able to get over you..  though it ended.. but I wish I could be there with you in these times... I could help you heal rise and bloom.. just to support you .. being the air behi...

10august was the day in 2013 when my Dad passed away..  on this date again in n 2025, I got my first promotion in Government Job.. kya mazaak hai Again .. 02nd may 2013, I got married.. and on the same day in 2024, we got CAT order favouring promotion.. kya mazaak hai.. Life is a roller coaster ride.. always on an incline... Turnaround and free falls and lots of flutters in stomach is it's was of teaching things to us...